Journal 22: Zitkala Sa

Michelle Romero
Eng 48B
Dr. Scott Lankford

"On one occasion, I forgot the cloud shadow in a strange notion to catch up with my own shadow." Page 1013

This is the opening sentence for the cloud chasing scene in which Sa is trying to catch her own shadow which always seems to be a few steps beyond her reach.

In this scene we discussed double consciousness. I think this particular scene has more to do with individual and familial identity rather than ethnic identity. A few paragraphs before this, Sa says, "We delighted in impersonating our own mothers." The source of her mother's anger then, comes when Sa no longer seeks to impersonate her mother but goes searching for something more. She is searching for her own shadow, and in the context of double-consciousness, is looking for the other half of her identity which can only be found in her father’s culture. When I say shadow, I mean her past, the outline of her own likeness, her father. I am sure she had moments where she thought of finding her father or at least thought of what her father looked like or lived like. Especially because story telling is so much a part of Indian culture, I would assume she would want to know stories about her father and who he was.

From the mother's perspective, I imagine this must have offended her greatly while at the same time, knowing that she could not provide many nice things in the poor conditions of their living. This is probably why she does not deny Sa from attending the Quaker school, but only discourages her.

In this shadow chasing passage, Sa says she forgot the cloud shadow. I think the cloud shadow would be the shadow of the tribe, the shadow of her collective identity. After all, clouds are a collection of water molecules and cannot be formed by just one.

Also, the fact that her comrades did not know what she was doing and had not tried chasing their own shadow before gives me further reason to believe that this experience may have been a more personal one rather than a representative experience of the Indians.

This I think is a unique quality which Sa brings to literature. In this time period it seems there is a lot of themes in realism, racism, and cultural identity, but so far I think she is the first (from the authors we are reading in class) who can project the experience and emotion of a girl without a father and the effects it has on her quest to confirm her identity.